Well what are you looking for?

what the hell are you looking for? what are you expecting? perfection? nice try. there is no such thing. you can make something good, but there is no perfection, there is only what you want and what you get. sometimes things don’t fit together, but that’s okay. just another step towards what will eventually become good, for everyone.

you can leave yourself in a bitter state of sadness or try to make the best out of it. you should try to focus on the good things in life and stop fucking yourself up for no good reason.

see, if there was one thing i wanted way too much it is the same thing that i now completely dismissed out of my focus area. why? because i made myself way too small, it would never have ended in a good way, especially for my head. and that’s where this thing called reflection crashes down on you.

don’t focus on what’s wrong, focus on the things you did, all the stones you stepped over, all the mountains you climbed. because in the end, there is something beneath it. save yourself for it. stop giving out kisses like lectures on life you’ve never experienced, start measuring things the way they’re meant to be measured. otherwise they’ll just loose their fucking meaning.

and do you really want to do meaningless things? you want the world to see you naked as you are or the way you would want it to see yourself? the beautiful person you actually are? your headache won’t get better of medication, but on reflection.

well look who’s dying now

yes, this one is for you right now. i am not on demand, i am all the time. or not at all. you made your choice. i made mine.

now i’m off to new shores.

go play with your wolves, you’re going to miss me.


guess it’s time to reenable this thing again – the reason should be an obvious one.

i’ve stepped back. again. but this time it’s for good. at least that’s what i keep telling myself. but i also believe in it.

there’s thing big thing that i’m hiding. and i’d never want to talk about it – i never thought i could turn to this kind of person. but you know what your surroundings make of you, guess you do, do you?
now i’m back. back again. back for good. back for better. back for everything. back – not just for the sake of being back.

back in life. back in the pursuit of happiness. back for whom? i don’t know yet.

the time that is running out will tell eventually. in the end. define end. i wouldn’t if i could. because if i could i’d know the end and might want to change it. and if you’d change something you know that’s coming you’d manipulate.

and you can’t. time travel. bitch. :D

now i’m off. back, but off. i’m not getting tired, because i too, can pretend to be noone. and that i’d never want to be someone. because all that counts is that you’re someone for someone that’s someone for you. see, it’s easy as that.

think you found that someone? i’m terribly happy for you :)

What direction?

This one’s about a dream
I had last night
How an old man tracked me home
And stepped inside
He put his foot inside the door
And gave a crooked smile
Something in his eyes
Something in his laugh
Something in his voice
That made my skin crawl off

He said, “I’ve seen you here before
I know your name.
You could have your pick
Of pretty things.
You could have it all
Everything at once.
Everything you’ve seen,
Everything you’ll need,
Everything you’ve ever had in fantasies.”

“You’ve one life,
You’ve one life.
You’ve one life left to lead.”

I woke up from my dream
As a golden man
With a girl I’ve never seen
With golden skin
I jumped up to my feet
She asked me what was wrong
I began to scream
I don’t think this is me
Is this just a dream
Or really happening?

What direction?
What direction?
I’m splitting up!
I’m splitting up!
This is my personal disaffection

What direction? What direction?
What direction now?

I looked outside the glass
At golden shores
Golden ships and masts
With golden cords
As my reflection passed
I hated what I saw
My golden eyes were dead
And a thought passed through my head
A heart that is made of gold can’t really beat at all

I wanted to wake up again
Without a touch of gold

What direction?
Death or action!
Life begins at the intersection.

I woke up as before
But the gold was gone
My wife was at the door
With her night robe on
My heart beat once or twice
And life flooded my veins
Everything had changed
My lungs had found their voice
And what was once routine
And what was once routine was now the perfect joy

You’ve one life
You’ve one life
One life left to lead

not for emma

Go find another lover;
To bring a- to string along!

With all your lies,
You’re still very lovable.

get your lives together

this is a shoutout to everyone who may be concerned:

get your FUCKING shit together. you’re individually thinking people, why don’t you act like it? why do you still think you live based off another human being? why don’t you just fucking start doing something? you’re old enough. still, your room or your head is messy, you don’t do anything and YET YOU FUCKING COMPLAIN? shit fucking hell, as if you knew it since yesterday that you need something signed off. like you are surprised, you’ve got a brain, start fucking using it. start acting your age you complete fucking moron. i’m so fucking pissed right now i can’t even explain.

i have to make so many fucking compromises and you don’t fucking care about anything, you still go on like the whiny baby you are. fucking shit. get a grip, grow some balls and do something. holy shit.

a) i’m not waiting forever, you should already know that.
b) i’m not your maid, you fucking idiot. stop pretending to be smart and then show me how fucking dumbstruck you are.



now i can go on living my life. btw. this is not for you, mrs. spades – you’re generally somewhere else.

the world at large

guess all that’s left is memories of a time that could’ve been. i escaped. i’m off for something new, at least when it’s late june – until then? i’ll just float on.

so far i’ve got a few new ideas, guess my body will be a monument of “hey, it’s not that bad in the end” – and i love it! google for the modest mouse balloon – not sure where it will end. but… hihiih :)

oh this life is so full of surprises, i’m pretty excited about what’s to come next. friday actually is my first poetry slam and the organizer wants me to be the “face of the slam” with some interview-ish stuff, we’ll see how THAT works out :)

that was gothenburg

and the weekend after – hardcore stuff, guys!

talking about back-ache, random plane stories, awesome views, an evening or not in the white lion, some movie watching and chilling, some clothes washing and in the end i’m still not a single bit wiser ;)

still i’ve quite learned how to cope with it, the next few weeks will be full of stuff so the time until june will pass by in a second. it’s already mid april and my counter just passed 50 days. just one thing that i thought about is how bad it is that there are people that try to take so much credit for their looks that they’ll never see the beauty that lies inside of them. but gladly that’s not my problem.

btw. http://thefirenote.com/2014/04/03/modest-mouse-good-news-for-people-green/ – be fast, at least two are already gone! :)