if you stick

with something for more than a year it can’t be that bad for you. you’re happier than you’d ever admit, i guess.

if you’d be consequent you would’ve done something a long time ago, you’d be in another place. i’d be in another place. we’d be somewhere else.

but you made your choice, i made mine.

remember what you said, remember what you did. and now see how it turned out to be. i’m up here. and i’m not coming down so soon.

now what goes up…

oh this life isn’t that bad in the end. sometimes the worst things turn out to be the best, sometimes you just shouldn’t stop holding your head up. move on, go on, jump on, it’s your one life and you can’t waste it.

things that were good need to be left behind, just for creating something better, bigger, stronger. boundaries are meant to be broken.

COME ON, YOU PEOPLE! THIS LIFE ISN’T OVER YET! STOP PRETENDING TO BE HELPLESS!

come on and listen to justin vernon, deyarmond edison, bon iver, volcano choir or mount vernon. enjoy life, it’s meant to be enjoyed.

the things they don’t tell you

the things they don’t want you to know, the things they think you don’t know. those are the things that matter most. the things they’re trying to hide. the things that make you suffer when they come out. the things they’ll try to make you suffer from.

but no, you won’t suffer, you don’t suffer. the one that’s suffering is the one to try to hide what’s deep inside. the ones that are leaving as soon as something shows, the ones that are scared of what’s inside. the ones that won’t even fight even if they know it’s their last fucking chance. the ones who always think they’re the one to fight for. the ones who think they’re above it all. above you, above all of your friends.

you are the suffering. and the moment you realize, it is too late to be sorry, it has just begun to hurt. guess what?

if i just want to see you throwing the first stone, taking a first leap, making progress, anything then i am hopeless, then i could wait forever. you could wait forever, stick to the plans, to the fucked up plans you’re making, you’re trying us to make. a promise broken is still a broken promise. and if we measure my words versus your words, you are losing without even standing a chance. and now ask yourself why, ask yourself why you’re suffering.

you still think it’s not your fault, do you?

oh fuck you then.

i don’t owe you shit, who’s paying? who the fuck is paying your life? who the fuck do you think you fucking are?

you’re nothing but an idiot running around in life getting older and older and older and older. reaching for nothing. getting nowhere.

fuck you and your fucking demands, fuck you for trying to piss me off. i could fucking CLOSE YOU OUT OF THE FUCKING THING! but i don’t. because i’m not a fucking dipshit like you are. you have nothing on me, not a single fucking thing.

guess what? just fuck you. it was the right decision. because you’re a fucking idiot.

about grumbling

now seriously, i thought that was clear enough. i don’t want to tell you what’s going on, you wouldn’t want to know, because you’d suddenly be all like “WAT?” again. but you dug your own grave.

you are seriously upset? sad? anything? at all? after all? after what? you let me down when i needed you the most. you let me down, just shut down communication, when i was down. when i needed help. but it was other people who took my hand and helped me getting up again. it wasn’t you.

and now that i’m standing, even jumping, even happy, even smiling ever after, you want it all back? i don’t. guess you need to go to one of those that don’t scratch. they might be better for you anyway.

guess what?

don’t panic. you’ll find someone that suits you, that wants to suit you. happy ever after. and apart from william fitzsimmons’ song i will fucking let you down.

Well what are you looking for?

what the hell are you looking for? what are you expecting? perfection? nice try. there is no such thing. you can make something good, but there is no perfection, there is only what you want and what you get. sometimes things don’t fit together, but that’s okay. just another step towards what will eventually become good, for everyone.

you can leave yourself in a bitter state of sadness or try to make the best out of it. you should try to focus on the good things in life and stop fucking yourself up for no good reason.

see, if there was one thing i wanted way too much it is the same thing that i now completely dismissed out of my focus area. why? because i made myself way too small, it would never have ended in a good way, especially for my head. and that’s where this thing called reflection crashes down on you.

don’t focus on what’s wrong, focus on the things you did, all the stones you stepped over, all the mountains you climbed. because in the end, there is something beneath it. save yourself for it. stop giving out kisses like lectures on life you’ve never experienced, start measuring things the way they’re meant to be measured. otherwise they’ll just loose their fucking meaning.

and do you really want to do meaningless things? you want the world to see you naked as you are or the way you would want it to see yourself? the beautiful person you actually are? your headache won’t get better of medication, but on reflection.

well look who’s dying now

yes, this one is for you right now. i am not on demand, i am all the time. or not at all. you made your choice. i made mine.

now i’m off to new shores.

go play with your wolves, you’re going to miss me.

whelp.

guess it’s time to reenable this thing again – the reason should be an obvious one.

i’ve stepped back. again. but this time it’s for good. at least that’s what i keep telling myself. but i also believe in it.

there’s thing big thing that i’m hiding. and i’d never want to talk about it – i never thought i could turn to this kind of person. but you know what your surroundings make of you, guess you do, do you?
now i’m back. back again. back for good. back for better. back for everything. back – not just for the sake of being back.

back in life. back in the pursuit of happiness. back for whom? i don’t know yet.

the time that is running out will tell eventually. in the end. define end. i wouldn’t if i could. because if i could i’d know the end and might want to change it. and if you’d change something you know that’s coming you’d manipulate.

and you can’t. time travel. bitch. :D

now i’m off. back, but off. i’m not getting tired, because i too, can pretend to be noone. and that i’d never want to be someone. because all that counts is that you’re someone for someone that’s someone for you. see, it’s easy as that.

think you found that someone? i’m terribly happy for you :)

What direction?

This one’s about a dream
I had last night
How an old man tracked me home
And stepped inside
He put his foot inside the door
And gave a crooked smile
Something in his eyes
Something in his laugh
Something in his voice
That made my skin crawl off

He said, “I’ve seen you here before
I know your name.
You could have your pick
Of pretty things.
You could have it all
Everything at once.
Everything you’ve seen,
Everything you’ll need,
Everything you’ve ever had in fantasies.”

“You’ve one life,
You’ve one life.
You’ve one life left to lead.”

I woke up from my dream
As a golden man
With a girl I’ve never seen
With golden skin
I jumped up to my feet
She asked me what was wrong
I began to scream
I don’t think this is me
Is this just a dream
Or really happening?

What direction?
What direction?
I’m splitting up!
I’m splitting up!
This is my personal disaffection

What direction? What direction?
What direction now?

I looked outside the glass
At golden shores
Golden ships and masts
With golden cords
As my reflection passed
I hated what I saw
My golden eyes were dead
And a thought passed through my head
A heart that is made of gold can’t really beat at all

I wanted to wake up again
Without a touch of gold

What direction?
Death or action!
Life begins at the intersection.

I woke up as before
But the gold was gone
My wife was at the door
With her night robe on
My heart beat once or twice
And life flooded my veins
Everything had changed
My lungs had found their voice
And what was once routine
And what was once routine was now the perfect joy

You’ve one life
You’ve one life
One life left to lead